||[Oct. 5th, 2005|06:19 pm]
but we wouldn't want to put down the ice cream.
Okay, so not only am I a lard ass, I'm a lard ass with no will power. I just ate most of a medium hawiian pizza from papa johns. yup, WITH the garlic/butter sauce stuff. WTF? Why? I had stuff in the fridge. Good healthy stuff. *pause to unbutton pants* I could have had a wonderful spinach salad with some grilled chicken on top, but nooooo, I had to have pizza!!! Tina, you should have stopped me. NO, I should have stopped myself. ugh. I've been doing good, I really have. I started doing the slim-fast in the morning, a slim-fast at lunch with a small salad (no meat or cheese just light dressing) and then a decent dinner. And I mean chicken or fish. I've had red meat once in the last month. I'm also taking Relacore. Its been working. I've lost an inch in my stomach in a month. And now I go and blow it. What the hell is wrong with me. Oh yeah, when I snack its on carrots. Bleh. The last 3 days I've eaten shit. Pure and total shit. I might as well go to the Piggly Wiggly and get me some lard and chittlins! Hi, Ma-am, would you like a side order of pork rinds with that lard?? I have around 5 months to lose 20lbs (at least!!!) and here I just wasted almost 4wks worth of trying with the last 3 days. I started my period, so that must be part of it, but still!!! I can't do this every month. It will undo everything! I seriously think I'm going to call up each pizza place and tell them they are not ALLOWED to bring me pizza. UGH! I need somebody here to kick my ass when I do this shit. I need somebody to answer to. I just don't think I can do this alone. Hubby is in Iraq again so he can't help. I started smoking again. I haven't smoked as a habit for over a year now, and then boom. He deploys and I smoke. At least its not snacking right? BLEH! STRESS!!! I leaned to far over my computer chair and broke the arm off of it. Now it sits funny. Way to go fat ass. Anybody in my area want to start working out??? Damn it. I had a walking partner, but she got a job and had to quit walking with me in the mornings. Dammit. I need will power. In pill form would work best.....any cures out there ladies? I need it. I only have 5 (+ or -) months to lose some serious weight. This is my last chance. If I can't lose it now, I'm going to the doctor and let him cut me open. I'm desperate, but for some reason, not desperate enough to realize that I didn't need that pizza. Whats wrong with me?